What Disney Princess Would You Survive A Zombie Apocalypse With ?

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QUARANTINE

INFECTIOUS VIRUS AREA

Imagine the CDC has just put out a mass warning that signs of a rare disease are spreading throughout the country; Side effects include a desire for consuming human flesh.

Oh by the way, the military is busy, so only princesses are left to help you.

Who do you want by your side? 

Rapunzel or 'Location, Location, Location'

What she brings to the table- Rapunzel's biggest advantage comes from her location. Seeing as she is locked up high in a stone tower and zombies are unable to climb, you can count yourself pretty safe. I suppose the zombies could knock over the tower but in all the fairytale pictures I’ve seen of Rapunzel’s fortress, it looks very sturdy and able to withstand some pushing from weak- boned half dead creatures.

Drawbacks- Her bird friends can bring you nuts and berries but how long before you end up starving in that tower because of lack of food? Also, what's the hygiene situation like in there? Does she have functioning water and a bathroom?

Conclusion- You'll survive but smell and look terrible when those military men eventually come and rescue you. Also, you possibly have cracked some teeth from eating so many acorns.

Pocahontas or 'Naked and Hopefully Not Afraid'

What she brings to the table- Pocahontas is a born hunter and gatherer. She will kill and harvest meat for you, tell you which berries are poisonous, and prepare a feast. She is used to living outside so I’m sure her shelter building skills are impressive and if she can kill a deer, she can definitely kill a zombie.

Drawbacks- I can absolutely see grandmother Willow getting into her head and convincing Pocahontas to ditch you. She’s used to roaming on her own and it will only be a matter of time before she discovers your slow pace and large appetite and she ditches you alone in the middle of the woods.

Conclusion- Pocahontas is the OG survivalist and would be an asset to have by your side, you just need to prove to her you're worth keeping around.

Elsa or 'Alaskan Bush People meets Will & Kate'

What she brings to the table- Obviously, she could freeze a large number of zombies in 2 seconds or less and create a fortress of ice to keep you safe. Also, I’ve never seen zombies slip on ice before but I’m sure it's hilarious. 

Drawbacks- She’s moody and bossy and can you really see yourself living in the freezing cold for the rest of time? Also, if the time ever comes when she has to choose, she will always pick her sister over you.

Conclusion- You will most likely survive the zombie attacks but the likelihood of dying from hypothermia or losing some fingers and toes from frostbite is high.

Snow White or 'Real Housewife of Apocalypse'

What she brings to the table- She’s great at playing dead and if the time came, I wholeheartedly believe she could convince the zombies to ignore her via her amazing acting skills. Also, she lives with seven men with short legs, all of whom you could easily outrun if the time came to make a break for it. 

Drawbacks- That's a lot of mouths to feed and Snow is quite the damsel in distress, so you would really have to take the lead on the whole killing zombies thing. In fact, you'd pretty much have to take the lead on everything because besides providing company, I don't think Snow White has many survival qualities needed to make it in the apocalypse. But hey, when it's all over, maybe you can get Grumpy to give you some of those gems and diamonds they're always mining.

Conclusion- Your face is probably going to be eaten off by zombies.

Mulan or 'More Issues Than Vogue'

What she brings to the table- She is a fierce warrior who could slice through zombies and protect you from any danger. Also, after living with men and acting like one, she is pretty low maintenance.

Drawbacks- She’s definitely a conflicted soul going through a bit of a gender crisis and comes from a complicated family. As much as she excels in fighting, do you really want to be stuck with all that family baggage and her constantly talking about her family issues?

Conclusion- You'll survive, if you don't kill each other from annoyance first.

Ariel or 'Major Daddy Issues'

What she brings to the table- I don’t think zombies can swim? At least not very well so living under the sea might be an advantage, that is, if she can somehow convince a sea witch to grant you fins. There’s plenty of food and resources in the ocean and let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to be a mermaid?

Drawbacks- If she can’t turn you into a mermaid, you’re pretty much screwed and if you’re allergic to shellfish or hate sushi, you will definitely starve.

Conclusion- You get to become a mermaid, this situation is perfect.

What Disney Princess Would You Pick?

Must Read Memoirs

1. The Girl Who Smiled Beads: A Story of War and What Comes After - Clemantine Wamariya

This memoir follows the story of Clemantine Wamariya and her survival through the Rwandan Genocide. Clemantine was four years old when the massacre began in 1994, only one year older than me, and I found myself constantly thinking while reading, "that could have been me." She doesn't describe a war that took place far off in the past, but rather the time period of my childhood and knowing that makes the story all too real. Another interesting thing about this memoir is that it doesn't only follow Clemantine's life fleeing from conflict and being a refugee, it follows her life in America as well. The memoir begins with her living in Chicago and the chapters contrast her life in America where she is living the "American Dream" then flash back to the horrors she endured all over various African countries during her childhood. The memoir is moving and shows that although the genocide is over, the scars remain. Check out her Tedtalks on Youtube as she recalls her childhood and tells the fable of the girl who smiled beads.

Adults often said to me, "You're so strong, you're so brave." But I didn't want to be strong, I didn't want to be brave. I wanted a fresh, fluffy brain, one that was not tormented by wars and fear. I wanted to backtrack in time to a world of innocence, to regress into a landscape of The Boxcar Children. It was so nice there. 

2. Educated- Tara Westover
Tara was born in rural Idaho to Doomsday parents who believed the end of the world was coming at any moment. She was never allowed to go to public school or even see a doctor as her father mistrusted the government and believed they were part of a larger conspiracy. Born at home, Tara never had a birth certificate, never even knew the exact date of her birth, and grew up without an education. She worked in a dangerous scrap yard and it wasn't until the age of 16 that she decided to purchase algebra books and attempt to educate herself well enough to pass the ACT and get into a decent college to escape the toxic environment she had with her siblings and parents. Fast forward in time, Tara completed her undergraduate at BYU, earned a fellowship at Harvard, and received her Masters and PhD from Cambridge. She became educated. The book follows her journey to college and beyond in the last quarter of the memoir, but it's mainly about her childhood. It reminded me so much of The Glass Castle which is one of my favorite books of all time. It's a unique memoir but at its core it's a coming of age tale about family dynamics.

All my father's stories were about our mountain, our valley, our jagged little patch of Idaho. He never told me what to do if I left the mountain, if I crossed oceans and continents and found myself in strange terrain, where I could no longer search the horizon for the Princess. He never told me how I'd know when it was time to come home.

3. Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness- Susannah Cahalan
 I'm very into psychological thriller themes, i.e. Shutter Island, AHS: Asylum because one of the scariest things to me is being sane but having everyone else believe that you're insane. That's pretty much what happened to Susannah Cahalan. Susannah was a normal 24 year old getting her start in the journalism world when one day she woke up in a hospital room, strapped to a bed, with no recollection of the past month or how she got there. All her medical tests came back completely normal and the doctors were convinced she was suffering from a psychotic break, not a medical condition. Luckily for Susannah, thanks to some amazing doctors and persistent family members, she wasn't transferred to a psych ward (a.k.a. my worst nightmare) and her rare disease was diagnosed, (this isn't a spoiler, she wrote the book after all, so you know there's a happy ending). The book is written from the memories of friends and family and hospital staff and the stories they told Susannah about her month of madness. Susannah also gained knowledge on her hospital stay from the 24 hour video surveillance they put in her hospital room after she attempted to escape multiple times and was considered a flight risk. Susannah's memoir was turned into a movie and is now on Netflix. Although the movie isn't as good as the book (what's new) it's definitely worth a watch.

Like daffodils in the early days of spring, my neurons were resprouting receptors as the winter of my illness ebbed.

27 Things I Learned By 27

1. Let people merge into your lane. Don't be the driver who makes the out of state minivan with their turn signal on, miss their exit because you don't want to slow down 5 m.p.h.
2. Don't watch crime dramas right before bed.
3. Your opinion isn't the only correct opinion.
4. Get off your phone. And I don't just mean while at dinner with friends. Walk with your eyes to the clouds and observe the sights and sounds around you. Your Instagram feed will be there in an hour, I promise. When I think of all the missed connections I've had with people and adorable dogs I didn't pet and nature I missed because my head was down looking at my phone as I walked home, I cringe.
6. Text or better yet, call your mom on your birthday if that's possible for you. I'm still baffled that I get honored on the day my mother completed literally one of the hardest and most painful experiences a human can go through.
7. Make your bed every morning. There is nothing quite as satisfying as coming home after a long day of work and walking into your room to see a neat, clean bed waiting to engulf you.

⇒8. Have Faith. Find your God/spiritual liaison/higher power, whatever it is and rely on Him/it/that when things get hard.

9. Find your signature drink.
10. Speaking of signatures, adopt a
somewhat legible one.
10. Stop beginning sentences with "sorry."
11. Don't sell boardwalk. EVER.

12. By this age, your metabolism is basically non-existent (if you're one of the lucky few who can still eat like they're a junior in college, congrats!) so start paying attention to what you eat, work out, but most importantly love and respect your body
(easier said than done).
13. Don't compare your life to others. If that means you
have to delete snapchat and twitter and possibly Facebook
because it makes you bitter, then do it.
14. Double check that you set your alarm in the morning
 to AM not PM.
15. Things not worth overpaying for: haircuts, mascara, linens.
16. Things worth paying a little more for: toilet paper, contact solution, sushi.
17.  Volunteer. It's one of the most rewarding and selfless
 things you can do.

⇒18. Get a library card. Seriously, why are you spending $25 on a book you will finish in 3 days and maybe won't even like? The library is free and offers as many books as your heart desires. THEN, and only then, if you really love the book you may buy it. Because, how many of us actually read the same book more than once?

19. Say "no" more often.
20. It's okay to put yourself first. There's a difference between self-care and being selfish. You need to prioritize your needs before other people's wants.
21. Forgive easily. You will be happier not carrying the weight of guilt and bitterness with you.
22. Never be afraid to acknowledge your weaknesses and seek help.
23. Strawberries aren't actually berries. I just really think more people need to know about this.
24. Never accept a job offer without first negotiating salary.

 






25. Learn to use public transportation.
26. A spray tan can change your life (It can also make your hands the color of Cheetos, be careful).
27. Growing older is a privilege, not a curse. Celebrate another year on Earth instead of dwelling on being "old."

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