What Disney Princess Would You Survive A Zombie Apocalypse With ?

WARNING

THIS AREA IS UNDER STRICT 

QUARANTINE

INFECTIOUS VIRUS AREA

Imagine the CDC has just put out a mass warning that signs of a rare disease are spreading throughout the country; Side effects include a desire for consuming human flesh.

Oh by the way, the military is busy, so only princesses are left to help you.

Who do you want by your side? 

Rapunzel or 'Location, Location, Location'

What she brings to the table- Rapunzel's biggest advantage comes from her location. Seeing as she is locked up high in a stone tower and zombies are unable to climb, you can count yourself pretty safe. I suppose the zombies could knock over the tower but in all the fairytale pictures I’ve seen of Rapunzel’s fortress, it looks very sturdy and able to withstand some pushing from weak- boned half dead creatures.

Drawbacks- Her bird friends can bring you nuts and berries but how long before you end up starving in that tower because of lack of food? Also, what's the hygiene situation like in there? Does she have functioning water and a bathroom?

Conclusion- You'll survive but smell and look terrible when those military men eventually come and rescue you. Also, you possibly have cracked some teeth from eating so many acorns.

Pocahontas or 'Naked and Hopefully Not Afraid'

What she brings to the table- Pocahontas is a born hunter and gatherer. She will kill and harvest meat for you, tell you which berries are poisonous, and prepare a feast. She is used to living outside so I’m sure her shelter building skills are impressive and if she can kill a deer, she can definitely kill a zombie.

Drawbacks- I can absolutely see grandmother Willow getting into her head and convincing Pocahontas to ditch you. She’s used to roaming on her own and it will only be a matter of time before she discovers your slow pace and large appetite and she ditches you alone in the middle of the woods.

Conclusion- Pocahontas is the OG survivalist and would be an asset to have by your side, you just need to prove to her you're worth keeping around.

Elsa or 'Alaskan Bush People meets Will & Kate'

What she brings to the table- Obviously, she could freeze a large number of zombies in 2 seconds or less and create a fortress of ice to keep you safe. Also, I’ve never seen zombies slip on ice before but I’m sure it's hilarious. 

Drawbacks- She’s moody and bossy and can you really see yourself living in the freezing cold for the rest of time? Also, if the time ever comes when she has to choose, she will always pick her sister over you.

Conclusion- You will most likely survive the zombie attacks but the likelihood of dying from hypothermia or losing some fingers and toes from frostbite is high.

Snow White or 'Real Housewife of Apocalypse'

What she brings to the table- She’s great at playing dead and if the time came, I wholeheartedly believe she could convince the zombies to ignore her via her amazing acting skills. Also, she lives with seven men with short legs, all of whom you could easily outrun if the time came to make a break for it. 

Drawbacks- That's a lot of mouths to feed and Snow is quite the damsel in distress, so you would really have to take the lead on the whole killing zombies thing. In fact, you'd pretty much have to take the lead on everything because besides providing company, I don't think Snow White has many survival qualities needed to make it in the apocalypse. But hey, when it's all over, maybe you can get Grumpy to give you some of those gems and diamonds they're always mining.

Conclusion- Your face is probably going to be eaten off by zombies.

Mulan or 'More Issues Than Vogue'

What she brings to the table- She is a fierce warrior who could slice through zombies and protect you from any danger. Also, after living with men and acting like one, she is pretty low maintenance.

Drawbacks- She’s definitely a conflicted soul going through a bit of a gender crisis and comes from a complicated family. As much as she excels in fighting, do you really want to be stuck with all that family baggage and her constantly talking about her family issues?

Conclusion- You'll survive, if you don't kill each other from annoyance first.

Ariel or 'Major Daddy Issues'

What she brings to the table- I don’t think zombies can swim? At least not very well so living under the sea might be an advantage, that is, if she can somehow convince a sea witch to grant you fins. There’s plenty of food and resources in the ocean and let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to be a mermaid?

Drawbacks- If she can’t turn you into a mermaid, you’re pretty much screwed and if you’re allergic to shellfish or hate sushi, you will definitely starve.

Conclusion- You get to become a mermaid, this situation is perfect.

What Disney Princess Would You Pick?

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27 Things I Learned By 27

1. Let people merge into your lane. Don't be the driver who makes the out of state minivan with their turn signal on, miss their exit because you don't want to slow down 5 m.p.h.
2. Don't watch crime dramas right before bed.
3. Your opinion isn't the only correct opinion.
4. Get off your phone. And I don't just mean while at dinner with friends. Walk with your eyes to the clouds and observe the sights and sounds around you. Your Instagram feed will be there in an hour, I promise. When I think of all the missed connections I've had with people and adorable dogs I didn't pet and nature I missed because my head was down looking at my phone as I walked home, I cringe.
6. Text or better yet, call your mom on your birthday if that's possible for you. I'm still baffled that I get honored on the day my mother completed literally one of the hardest and most painful experiences a human can go through.
7. Make your bed every morning. There is nothing quite as satisfying as coming home after a long day of work and walking into your room to see a neat, clean bed waiting to engulf you.

⇒8. Have Faith. Find your God/spiritual liaison/higher power, whatever it is and rely on Him/it/that when things get hard.

9. Find your signature drink.
10. Speaking of signatures, adopt a
somewhat legible one.
10. Stop beginning sentences with "sorry."
11. Don't sell boardwalk. EVER.

12. By this age, your metabolism is basically non-existent (if you're one of the lucky few who can still eat like they're a junior in college, congrats!) so start paying attention to what you eat, work out, but most importantly love and respect your body
(easier said than done).
13. Don't compare your life to others. If that means you
have to delete snapchat and twitter and possibly Facebook
because it makes you bitter, then do it.
14. Double check that you set your alarm in the morning
 to AM not PM.
15. Things not worth overpaying for: haircuts, mascara, linens.
16. Things worth paying a little more for: toilet paper, contact solution, sushi.
17.  Volunteer. It's one of the most rewarding and selfless
 things you can do.

⇒18. Get a library card. Seriously, why are you spending $25 on a book you will finish in 3 days and maybe won't even like? The library is free and offers as many books as your heart desires. THEN, and only then, if you really love the book you may buy it. Because, how many of us actually read the same book more than once?

19. Say "no" more often.
20. It's okay to put yourself first. There's a difference between self-care and being selfish. You need to prioritize your needs before other people's wants.
21. Forgive easily. You will be happier not carrying the weight of guilt and bitterness with you.
22. Never be afraid to acknowledge your weaknesses and seek help.
23. Strawberries aren't actually berries. I just really think more people need to know about this.
24. Never accept a job offer without first negotiating salary.

 






25. Learn to use public transportation.
26. A spray tan can change your life (It can also make your hands the color of Cheetos, be careful).
27. Growing older is a privilege, not a curse. Celebrate another year on Earth instead of dwelling on being "old."

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September 11th, D.A.R.E., & Carrie Fisher's "Wishful Drinking"

The year is 2001, just a few days post September 11th and as the country is reeling from heartbreak, my fifth grade class is learning about drugs and alcohol abuse from the fine police forces of Prince William County, Virginia. I'm listening intently, furiously scribbling notes into my composition notebook, eagerly pushing up my purple wire rimmed glasses, taking in their every word. You see, I saw it as my Godly duty to learn, absorb, and exhibit all the traits the D.A.R.E. program had to offer. Why was I so passionate about this you may ask? Well, two reasons. Number one was that everyone in my class had to write a personal essay on what D.A.R.E. meant to them and the winner got to read their essay at the school assembly in November. I hated public speaking, but even at that young age, I knew what I lacked in charisma and confidence, i made up for in my bomb sentence structure and the ability to write copious amounts on any topic. I wanted my essay to win. Secondly, and most importantly, was because I felt my dad's life had been spared in the terrorist attacks and now I owed one to the big guy upstairs. September 11th was especially terrifying in my community because 80% (I did not do the math) of my classmates had parents who worked in the government in Washington D.C., many of them working in the Pentagon when it was bombed, my father included. A younger classmate of mine lost their father that day and I felt so blessed that my dad escaped the Pentagon unscathed that I owed it to God, the Universe, and whatever other forces were at work to be the best human I could possibly be. I began with a bake sale for the Red Cross (My local newspaper debut is above), but the next stop was world peace, no pressure for a 10 year old girl, right?

Fast forward to November 2001, I won the essay competition for my class and was preparing to read my speech to the entirety of my elementary school, when, I overheard a group of moms in the front row discussing Carrie Fisher. Now, I knew who Carrie Fisher was, my birthday party two years earlier was Phantom Menace themed (why didn't I do roller skating like other 8 year olds?) and I (my parents) took all the girls in my class to see it at the movie theatre. I was a long time Star Wars fan and immediately realized these moms were talking about Princess Leia. Years later, I would come to learn that they were discussing her cover on Psychology Today, in which she discussed her mental health problems, but more so her drug and alcohol addiction. I overheard this gossip and quickly realized that one of my childhood heroes was "an addict," "nutjob," "druggie," "depressed." The mom's words, not mine. I felt as if I had just been told Santa Claus wasn't real. The very thing I was devoting myself to abstain from, my childhood inspiration was giving in to. In that moment, I felt my naive heart break just a little as one my idols, Carrie Fisher, let me down.

Obviously I quickly realized I couldn't be a perfect human being and God was just going to have to be chill with that, so you would think that as the years went on, I would forget my resentment towards Carrie Fisher, but I couldn't! Not after having my first sip of alcohol, not after being diagnosed with a mental illness myself, I just couldn't forgive Carrie. It made no logical sense but up until even a week ago, if I heard her name, I became slightly irritated and judgmental. Guess that's what happens when the moms who pregame the school assembly trash your role model in front of you. However, as a lover of memoirs and non-fiction, I thought it was about time I read her book, Wishful Drinking, to see if I could ease the 17 year blow that still afflicted my heart. Per usual, I looked the book up on Good Reads and saw it only had a 3 out of 5 star rating which surprised me, especially because since her death it seemed people were putting her on a pedestal. However, I have no idea what those low raters were thinking because this book is perfection. Well, it's actually a very imperfect book to be honest...but that's what makes it perfect.

Anyway, George comes up to me on the first day of filming and he takes one look at the dress and says, "You can't wear a bra under that dress." So I say, "Ok, I'll bite. Why?" And he says, "Because... there's no underwear in space." I promise you this is true and he says it with such conviction too! Like he had been to space and looked around and he didn't see any bras or panties or briefs anywhere. 

The book is really ALL over the place, much like Carrie's mind at the time she wrote it (which she openly admits) and I absolutely love that. It feels like you're having a conversation with her and she's going off on tangents, not like you're reading a harrowing memoir of a depressed drug addict. Yes, she delves into her mental health struggles and addictions but she never makes it sound like she's complaining or that she wants your sympathy, she's simply laying it all out there. I loved the sporadic timeline, how the book jumps from time period to time period and first person to third (much like this blog post, amirite?). It feels eccentric and manic, just like Carrie. Also, having just read a memoir by a famous rapper which he obviously didn't write by himself (but hey, at least he included his ghost writer on the title page) I genuinely believed that Carrie wrote this book all on her own. It wasn't polished or very precise but it felt real and authentic. In fact, I have an old GMU grad school friend (shoutout Caitlyn) who works for Simon & Schuster Publishing, so maybe she can chime in on how much of this Carrie actually wrote, because I would guess almost all of it. I loved this book, I connected with this book and I related to the roller coaster of emotions Carrie described. I think it's safe to say, Carrie and I have finally worked out our issues from 2001.

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2017 Book Favorites

What books do you recommend ?

This is a pretty common question I get asked by my friends. Although it depends on the person and the genre/style that they enjoy reading, there are a select few books in my "read" arsenal that I can always suggest. However, not everyone wants to read a classic piece of literature written in the 1800's no matter how noteworthy it is. New books are exciting and fresh and I dedicated 2017 to exploring new authors and genres.

2017 was also the year I actively decided to start tracking all of the books I read in a year. I made a goal of 50 books, but ending up reading 62! My goal for 2018 is to surpass last year and go for 65. If you don't already have a Good Reads account then I HIGHLY recommend you set one up. It's free and tracks all the books you have read, allows you to rate books, lets you track by % how far along you are in the book, and shows you what your friends are reading and what they rated specific books.

Of the 62 books I read in 2017, I only gave five books 5 out of 5 stars on Good Reads. These five books are my must-reads and I have included brief descriptions of each below. In addition, there are a couple that I will probably do more in depth reviews on in the future because a 1 paragraph description doesn't do the book justice. I also listed some honorable mentions I loved but didn't quite love enough to give five stars to.

One thing that Good Reads has showed me is that I primarily read historical fiction, nonfiction/memoir, and mystery/whodunit books, so I have broken down my book suggestions into those three categories.

Historical Fiction

The Underground Railroad -- Colson Whitehead

This book affected me so deeply I cannot even begin to explain its influence. It was by far the best book I read in 2017, quite possibly one of the best I've read in my entire life. The author came and spoke at my Alma Mater during my school's fall book festival and hearing him speak was so powerful. I will be doing a far more in depth review on this book in the future because I love it that much, but for now just take my word for it and immediately read this Pre Civil War novel detailing Virginia, South Carolina, and Georgia plantation life. 

The Invention of Wings -- Sue Monk Kidd
I love WWII and Civil War history so it didn't surprise me that I fell in love with this story of two sister abolitionists who flee their plantation in South Carolina to fight for the freedom of those they once owned. It's an extremely powerful and true story (I visited and toured this plantation and home in March!) that I will also be writing more about in the future.

Salt to the Sea -- Ruta Sepetys
I already stated that I enjoy wartime novels and although this one takes place during WWII, it explores how the war affected the Soviets and Eastern European refugees. The novel begins as the nazis are crumbling and WWII is reaching a conclusion. However the novel focuses on refugees fleeing from the impending Soviet Advance. Most books I had read focused on Germany or those countries conquered by Germany so it often left this part of history out; I had never heard much about how the East was affected and I felt introduced to a whole new genre of WWII books.

Memoir/Nonfiction

How To Murder Your Life -- Cat Marnell
Former beauty editor for Lucky Magazine turned hardcore drug addict...this book is absolutely insane! The author is from the DC metro area which made the first couple chapters about her childhood very relatable, there's even a shout out to Tyson's Corner Mall. However, she soon moves to NYC and becomes a big time editor at various prestigious magazines all while maintaining a horrific drug habit. The book is so outlandish it's hard to believe the events actually happened to the author but she balances the dark parts out with humor and excellent writing to make the book an easy read. Also, she lived with Nev from Catfish so read it just for those stories.

Mystery

I'm Thinking of Ending Things -- Iain Reid
This is a very short book, I read it in one night, and it has an OMG, WTF, WOAH ending that completely shocked me. Again, I read a lot of books but this one had an ending I never saw coming. The book has quite literally everything a good creepy mystery needs: a secluded farm, weird parents, an abandoned high school, and a car that breaks down on the side of the road...just a lot of eerie stuff that make it a scary and suspenseful read.

Honorable Mentions

The Kitchen House -- Kathleen Grissom
A fascinating take on Virginia plantation life in the Pre Civil War era. The story centers around a white Irish immigrant who is orphaned upon entry into America and sold to work in the kitchen house of a Virginia plantation. As I learned, this was apparently a common and lucrative practice for slave traders to take poor, naive, white immigrants who came over from Europe and sell them to plantations for almost triple the amount of money they would make from a slave. The main character lives in an awkward limbo where she is considered beneath the white family she works for, but above the slaves she lives in a cabin with, and is often very isolated. It was a very different and interesting way to describe the horrors of plantation life through a white indentured servant.

You-- Caroline Kepnes
Of all the books I have mentioned so far, this is the best written one. You may be asking why is it only an honorable mention then? Well, quite honestly the ending ruined it for me and knocked it down to a four star review, but overall even if you only read this book, about a stalker whose stalkeee falls in love with him, for the writing alone, it will be worth it. It's easy and quick to read and disturbing enough to make you wonder if you too have a stalker out there following your every move, but not disturbing enough to make you unable to sleep at night.

Sweetbitter -- Stephanie Danler
A nonfiction book about two years in the life of recent NYC resident and waitress Stephanie as she tries to navigate the city, what she wants to do in life and how to best carry six martini glasses at once. As someone who worked her college and graduate school career in retail and customer service I could relate to so many of her horror stories from the restaurant she worked in. There's also an element of the unknown as the author goes through her quarter life crisis which is not only relevant to my current life status but comforting to know that every 20-something is still figuring out what the heck they're doing.

Hillbilly Elegy -- J.D. Vance
This book has a lot of statistics in it and reads half like a nonfiction narrative and half like a textbook. I absolutely loved that about it and as someone who currently works in politics I found the numbers, voting records, and answers into how the country is in the state its currently in, fascinating. Also, because I work so heavily in politics in my daily life, the last thing I want to do is read political stuff when I get home and am trying to relax. That's why I love that the author wrote completely in a non-partisan fashion and highlighted the highs and lows of each political party. There's no bashing or blaming, which is extremely refreshing. Also, the authors grandmother raised him in the holler of Kentucky and was a complete badass woman whose behavior makes for some great stories throughout this book.

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